[Nexus RP] Good Morning Starscream

[soundwave_ascendant]

Soundwave was tired when he got up in the morning, even though he had managed to have a decent defragmentation cycle. He and Ziggy and Mick had hit the Zone pretty hard; they'd been making music all night, and a number of other people had joined in, including Glit, and then Rosanna, of all people, had turned up. He always felt energised after a jam like that, but his frame knew it had been hard work.

He managed to get up without waking Ravage, even though Ravage had been sprawled half on top of him. Ravage had been dancing most of the night, and was going to be sore. They were over four million years old, after all.

There was glitter all over the recharge slab again. At least this time, nobody had been firing the glitter cannon at anyone specific. He decided that visiting the washracks would be the better part of valour and got it all off, though he knew there was a good chance he'd missed some. There was always that one spot just under his shoulder cannon where he tended to miss things like glitter and claw marks because it was hard to see even with multiple mirrors. (He didn't miss the Nemesis, but he sure missed nobody caring about that.)

There were no signs of life whatsoever in the refectory. Normally that would've been surprising, but almost everyone on staff had made their way to the party after Ravage had commed them all, once to let them know that he was playing, and a second time to let them know that Rosanna and Glit were singing. He really hoped that someone had stayed behind on guard duty; they relied too much on the anti-violence field as it was.

Anyhow, he needed a morning cube and at least a gallon of coolant, so he sat himself down in the kitchen, made himself a fizz, and tossed in a handful of mica chips, then checked his morning agenda...

Comments

[spookyglitch]

Certainly there are no immediately visible signs of life in the refectory. One of the good things about Starscream's currently body-free life is that when you're a disembodied inextinguishable spark you could simply choose to be entirely invisible. Quite convenient for snooping around this apparently interdimensional Decepticon Outpost. Or whatever it was. Starscream couldn't be bothered to actually read the sign outside.

He honestly hasn't been impressed with what he's seen so far. Where were the armories? The weapons labs? There were fleshlings running about. One of them a child, The audacity.

"They're gone full Autobot. Despicable," he sneered at the empty room. He could effect the physical in small ways in his incorporeal state, if he really concentrated hard enough. Amplified by his pettiness he used this ability to swat something inconsequential off the counter. Just because.

Ah and there was Soundwave. Was he responsible for this... travesty of a faction he was touring? He always was too soft.

And drenched in that dreadful sparkling stuff Skywarp was fond of. No wonder things had gone downhill.

"Ugh, how shameful."

[soundwave_ascendant]

Soundwave made a surprised little noise when he heard something hit the floor behind him and reached out for the mind most likely to be responsible for things falling off counters in the early morning.

"Ravage? Told you to drink more coolant."

But Ravage was still deep in recharge in their habsuite. And there had been a voice. At least it wasn't whatever the Pit had been following Ravage around since he'd left the Lost Light. That had been far more distinctly feminine.

It had sounded like Starscream, but Starscream was supposed to be kinging things up on Cybertron, as Ravage had put it once.

And there was the voice again.

Shameful? Soundwave laughed softly. He was in fact somewhat annoyed that nobody seemed to be up at all, but none of the alarms had gone off.

...which meant that there could not, actually, be a strange person hiding under attention deflectors in the kitchen.

He opened his shields a little and got...

Well that sure felt a pit of a lot like Starscream, because nobody else did judgemental contempt quite like that. This was in fact nothing like any Autobot installation he'd ever been in--whoever this was was right that standards had lapsed--but why did he care so much about a few spots of glitter that Soundwave had missed in the washracks?

He thought for a moment and remembered the other Soundwave he'd met. Perhaps this was a different Starscream, or another mech who had taken on Starscream's role in another timeline? The voice was rather distinctive, though.

"Show yourself."

[spookyglitch]

Starscream was about to go off and try to find someone or something more interesting, truly watching micro-scraplets chew through a screw would be more mentally stimulating then watching Soundwave muddle through his morning rations. That and the glitter was truly bothering him. It was so obnoxious.

...Actually were those scratches?! Maybe there was something juicy here after a-

Ah. Right. Soundwave was weird and invasive. Of course the telepath would be able to figure something was up. Well he was going to have to reveal himself at some point. He sorely wanted to point out their terrible decisions in interior paint. Technically he doesn't have actual physical optics anymore but they still manage to hurt just looking at the place.

The demand though? That had him bristling. He does not comply.

But he does respond.

"I don't take orders from a geek like you!"

Closer now there is absolutely no mistaking that voice, screechy and grating and probably particularly unpleasant on the audials of someone recovering from a night of partying.

[soundwave_ascendant]

Soundwave was, not for the first time, grateful that his helm, visor and mask kept his expression private; he couldn't help wincing at the sound of that screech.

"Don't, or can't?" Soundwave laughed softly. "Query: where is the rest of you?"

Those definitely were some scratches under the glitter. They looked like cybercat scratches, except for the part where they had clearly been made by a much larger than average size cybercat who had been allowed to put its paws in locations an ordinary cybercat would never have been able to reach. There were a couple more of them on the opposite side of Soundwave's back, just under his arm level, but Soundwave was glitter-free in that area.

"Crown: too heavy for your helm after all?"

[spookyglitch]

The glitter was forgotten momentarily and his optics narrow dangerously and he suddenly was very visable and very close. He's a bid faded and translucent at his extremities and there's no hum of internals moving and working but he's there.

"My crown," he spoke in a harsh whisper. Extra harsh because it was HIS voice after all. Everything he says is immediately more grating by default. "Was vaporized with the rest of my body by that mad fool Galvatron! You were there! You saw!"

What started as a whisper, or at least the Starscream version of one, ends in an unhappy screech. Was he being MOCKED? Soundwave was THERE. Didn't raise a FINGER to help him either. Granted there probably wasn't much he could do BUT STILL.

[soundwave_ascendant]

Soundwave's visor flips up for just a moment to get a better visual read.

"Apparently we are from alternate timelines. I have encountered an alternate-timeline version of myself already in this dimensional nexus. The Starscream with whom I am best acquainted is currently ruling Cybertron as a Neutral, and refers to himself as the Chosen One," Soundwave informs him. "I have been told that he doesn't enjoy it as much as he thought he would."

Behind Starscream, there is a loud thunk as an oversized black and silver feliformer jumps down some stairs, then pads into the room, yawning. The feliformer rises into a bipedal stance to hug Soundwave and brush their cheeks against each other, which is easy to do, because Soundwave is sitting in a kitchen chair. The feliformer is also, clearly, the source of the glitter.

"Soundwave, why is it so noisy down here? I dreamed you were talking to Starscream--"

"Not a dream, Ravi-brightspark." Soundwave ex-vents, shaking his head.

Ravage's jaw drops.

"This is my conjunx," Soundwave says, "in case you didn't know. Since apparently there is at least one timeline in which Ravage has died prematurely."

[spookyglitch]

Starscream freezes, his form fading a flickering for a moment. That's.. a lot to take in. But 'Chosen One', hmm? Well that's a name he could get used to. As well as the thought of ruling Cybertron. Really, if Galvetron hadn't come in and ruined everything it might have already happened even!

Just as he opens his mouth to respond... enter the feline.

"Your..." for once in his long life Starscream might just have been stunned into silence.

Not for long though.

"You married the cat?" his voice, an awed whisper.

And then he burst into laughter.

"Married..! The. Cat!"

[dontpetmeibite]

The cat in question is glaring at Starscream as if his red optics could bore holes through him. "I have a name, you know. It's Ravage."

Soundwave just shrugs. "I don't understand why you think that this is so funny. We've been in a stable relationship for a few million years. The general response to the announcement came in two flavours: 'it's about time', and 'I thought they'd been conjunxed for eons'."

Ravage kisses Soundwave's forehead, then rolls his eyes at Starscream. "We love each other, and we always have. I realise that's completely outside your experience, especially the part where we've never once tried to plot against or murder each other--but it's true."

Soundwave hoists Ravage up into the chair next to his, gets up, pours what's left in the fizzer into a wide, frosty glass that Ravage can lap it out of, and sets it in front of Ravage with a handful of decadent looking gel pastilles before he sits down. The Starscream from their own timeline would instantly have recognised them as the treats he used to steal from Ravage on a daily, routine basis back on the Nemesis. Despite their disparate sizes and alt-modes, they are quite nearly the platonic ideal of 'smug junxies'.

[spookyglitch]

He certainly doesn't recognize them from the nemesis. Soundwave had no sweetspark to spoil. It does remind him of the fancy high-class parties back on Vos before the war with fancy expensive little treats. Oh he misses those days. He also misses HAVING A BODY that could theoretically enjoy them too.

"Ugh," Starscream scowls, a disgusted look on his face at all this public physical affection. Autobots. They've been infected by some... gross lovey dovey Autobot virus.

"You will both cease this... this..." he waves his hand at them, "This display of saccharine nonsense immediately or I'll be forced to take steps to assist you to."

[dontpetmeibite]

"Fine words coming from someone we've both seen bent over Megatron's throne," Ravage says sweetly, daintily lapping the energon fizz up out of the wide goblet. The fact that Ravage has also been in that position is immaterial; Ravage is not the one complaining about public displays.

"It's the affection he finds offensive." Soundwave chuckles, an odd, weirdly digitised sound. "But this is an alternate, love. Like the Soundwave we met at the Wheelers'."

Ravage snorts. "This is our command, not yours. Megatron was the Voice and the Lord Commander; now I am the Voice and Soundwave is the Lord Protector. The you I know became a NAIL and is Kinging it up on Cybertron like some kind of crime boss with Windblade. This is an Embassy, not a military base, but this is also where our Conclave meets. It's a pocket dimension that Galvatron doesn't know about, where most acts of violence aren't possible, and we do our planning and negotiating here. Once we've dealt with Galvatron, who is the only real rival we have left as rulers of the faction, we'll return to our own universe for good, and put Howlback in charge of the Embassy here."

Soundwave nods. "You are welcome in our territory as long as you do not follow a Prime. If you'd like to be there when I do put Galvatron out of everyone's misery, you are welcome to be. But I will kiss my conjunx if I want to, if I hear or see you in our private chamber, I will get Loki here and we will find a way to exorcise you." He shakes his head. "You clearly know who Ravage is. Why are you surprised that we are together? In our universe, we recruited you. And your trine."

[spookyglitch]

"Blah blah blah. That sounds like overly complicated reasoning for 'We're running a shoddy organization here'. You realize you have fleshlings running amok? And at LEAST one female?," he crosses his arms. Oh if only his body hasn't been vaporized. He'd set things strait here. Kick the organic creatures and girls out and repaint the interior to something more tasteful.

"Where I come from the cat is a cat not and nearly so talkative. More of a... pet or a creation. I will give you that he is still likely vastly more intelligent then the majorities of the idiots in the faction but that's not saying much," He shrugs, clearly he's omitted himself from this swatch of implied incompetency, "And I wasn't recruited by either of you. I was personally invited after presenting Megatron with that oversized compensation device he wears mounted on his forearm."

He was threatened enough with it in that past that he's regretted the decision to make it quite as powerful as it was.

"And I don't know who this Loki is but you can't threaten to exorcise someone who isn't dead," his optics roll and he flicks a hand dismissively, "I'm simply in need of some rather significant repairs."

[dontpetmeibite]

Ravage hisses through his dentae. "Why wouldn't there be females here? Are you telling me you're from a universe where all Decepticons are male? What are our principles and platform in your world, that only males would accept them?"

He rolls his optics. "I'm probably just as intelligent in your world as I am in this one; just starved for good conversational partners. And Soundwave's not the chattiest person in any universe, so I am sure that you have no idea how we relate to one another privately. Anyhow, everyone used male pronouns when we were all young, but after we re-established contact with the Camiens, all the people who would have been female had they known it was an option for anyone other than Arcee started identifying as female. In both factions. Pit, my own gender identification still hasn't settled."

Soundwave rubs his knuckle against Ravage's cheek. "Probably not going to. Don't care."

Ravage blinks at him, then continues: "Our quarrel was always with the Functionists. The humans were just Autobot allies who got in the way, plus Megatron got a whisker up his nares about the organics on the Galactic Council deciding that we were a dangerous species and started to think that all organics would think that way. You and I both know that as brilliant a mech as he is, he can be an idiot once he gets stuck on a notion. Anyhow, the little boy belongs to my brother Glit, and Esmeral and Clobber have been Decepticons since they were kindled. There are no Autobots where Esmeral comes from."

Soundwave groans. "Rosanna's recharging in Glit's room," he tells Ravage with a frown. "I will make sure he understands that even though I enjoyed performing with her at the dance party, she can't stay here. That shouldn't have to come from you."

[spookyglitch]

"The primary goal of the Decepticon army is total universal domination. Obviously," he says it like this is the most obvious thing in the world. He can't conceive of a reality out there where that's not the glorious end goal, "I don't know why no girls joined up. I went to academy for applied weapons tech and meteorology. Not psychology."

He tried not to gag at these continued displays of affection. He glances towards the ceiling. There's a sprinkler system up there. It would be so easy to...

But Wait. Waaaaait. Something that the cat has said has finally really registered for him. He can scarcely believe what he's about to say.

"You mean to tell me that the absolute BUFFOONS of whatever sadsack reality you two hail from actually forgot what gender was?!" He doesn't know if he should be shocked or outraged or just laugh hysterically, "And Arcee was the only one with enough PROCESSING CAPABILITY to figure out how to fix things?!"

[dontpetmeibite]

"I don't actually know how Arcee ended up the way she did," Ravage admits. "I always get stuck on the part where she and Galvatron were twins."

Soundwave makes an odd noise. "Total universal domination...and nothing else? Not total universal domination in the interest of preserving universal peace, or in preventing the return of casteist hierarchy? Are you familiar with a book called Towards Peace?" He looks like his processor might be about to glitch.

"Are you saying we only wanted power... just to have it?" Ravage cocks his head to one side. "Because while I freely admit that sounds like something you'd be all for, that's not something Soundwave and I would have ever signed up for."

Soundwave is more than a little disturbed. Even the cryptid-looking empurata survivor version of himself remembered the gladiatorial arena and the slave rebellions. Was this person from a universe where all the Decepticons were just...looters?

[spookyglitch]

"You sloppy drunkards they're not twins," the jet snorts, "Galvatron was created by Unicron out of Megatron's pathetic corpse. And before you ask, I unfortunately can't claim credit for that. He and the Prime offlined one another in battle."

He still wonders if there's a recording of that fight in Metroplex. Oh what he wouldn't give to see the two faction leader just WAILING on one another. Prime entertainment.

"Casteist hierarchy? Towards Peace?" the last word is punctuated with a disgusted look, "Our goal has always been to align everything under one glorious purple banner."

[dontpetmeibite]

"Query: why do you think we are drunk? We just got out of bed." Soundwave exvents.

"No, we're not drunk." Ravage shrugs. "And maybe that's where Galvatron came from in your universe, but neither Megatron nor Optimus Slime is dead. Megatron abdicated. He's done with the war. And that is why we're fighting it out with Galvatron for the faction leadership."

Soundwave gives him a warning look, which Ravage correctly interprets as don't tell Starscream too much, he might decide he likes them better. He smiles at Soundwave and pops one of his gel pastilles into his mouth. The gesture might be slightly suggestive from Soundwave's perspective, though Ravage is decidedly not looking at Starscream when he does it.

(Up until now, they've only indulged in a normal amount of marital affection, but Starscream's absolute scandalisation has made Ravage feel a bit like actually going a little bit over the line of total public acceptability.)

"Galvatron and Arcee were twins and Arcee is fragging feral," Ravage continues. "She almost killed me once, you know. If I hadn't had a frame refit there would still be a mark on my neck. I only wish that 'dear sweet Orion' were dead. He tried to blackmail Soundwave. Who in the world thinks they could possibly blackmail Soundwave worse than he could blackmail them? Nope, we have Galvatron, and we still have Megatron, and we still, very unfortunately, have Optimus Slime."

Soundwave produces a copy of Towards Peace and sets it in front of Starscream without a word. The name of the author is visible. It's also very clearly a draft galley, because there is not only a blurb about a recent afterword by the original author, but also the commentary on that afterword, as written by Ravage of Stanix.